Hell is closer to the surface than you might think

(From Jupiter Images)

Three months in, and the London Underground has become worse and worse since I returned to the capital. I live two stops from the end of my Underground line, and for a few weeks there was a slim chance of getting a seat on the way in to work. It rarely worked out like that, but those memories seem a lifetime away in comparison to the shocking conditions I have to endure currently.

This morning, I managed to struggle on to my train into a crush. I repeat, I live two stops away from the first stop on the line. How the hell does Transport for London expect people to get to work if the trains are full so early in their journey?

I'm sure it's not just my imagination getting the better of me. The trains are definitely getting busier and busier, and every morning gets more uncomfortable as the winter draws in. Maybe it's a seasonal thing, I don't know. Regardless, the fact that the people responsible for it will take no notice is a problem.

I know there's not much they can do, but it is clear that for them it is all about getting bodies on trains, crammed in as tightly as possible. Will they add stock? Will they improve bus routes? Will they add rails above the doors on all trains? Of course they won't. Because they don't need to, as nobody will stand up to them because we all need to go to work.

Having said all this, the most irritating thing is the idiots that I have to share a carriage with. I don't mean the people who don't move down the carriage, or who play music loudly, or whatever. They're just minor irritants. I mean the sufferers of what I'll be dubbing "Princess Syndrome". In other words, they think that even on a carriage in which everybody is uncomfortable, they must not be inconvenienced in any way. Look out for these people next time you're on the Tube, they're everywhere.

The reason I bring this up today is that I was stunned this morning by the biggest Princessism I've ever witnessed. On our carriage, there was no space whatsoever. We were basically standing in each others pockets, arms intertwined, feet wedged into any space on the floor we could find. Despite this, people have to get off at their stop, and this leads to a bit of a crush as people make way for them. As we arrived at one stop today, some people had to cross the train to make their exit, and people squeezed up to let them off - leading to a brief uncomfortable few seconds for me and the people around me. Fine. I get that, it's not a problem, it's logical.

Except, that is, for the silly wench behind me, who felt the need to shove me several times in what can only be described as a temper tantrum. This was a grown woman, stressing out at having to come into contact with another human being on a packed Underground train. Woe is me!

So next time, love, if you can't handle it don't get on the train. And if you throw a wobbly again I hope it's a woman you assault, and she gives you a proper slap.